Creative writing with Jay Mariotti: 'Bad Journalism'

I was warned by my "blogging buddies" that Jay Mariotti's latest piece on FanHouse might make my eyes bleed. 1) It's an attempted assassination of blogs (on a blog... can't we stop this blog-on-blog violence please?) 2) It's completely misguided and about three weeks too late, and 3) It's 1,800 words long. Well, I'll let the other buddies tackle points one and two, but below is your solution to the length problem. I've taken the liberty of editing Mariotti's piece down to less than 300 words. All of the words are from Mariotti's original piece, and they all appear in order. I've just cut out a lot of the fat in the middle. You'll still get the gist: blogs, basements, steroids, desperate media... you know the story.

"Bad Journalism"
By Jay Mariotti (edited by Alana G)

I am one of the fortunate ones. Twelve months a year, I'm paid to STRRRRRETTTTCCH THE TRUTH or make something up.

But this pet tarantula has a blog to randomly drop names of so-called legitimate journalists. The sports writing business is rife with reckless idiots.

We all wonder to ourselves if every major leaguer has a functioning computer. Go to hell. If you know an athlete who uses a Web site, here's the problem. One inaccurate swoop out of the womb may as well be MSNBC's Keith Olbermann. A Web company would have profited from blogging buddies on steroids.

In a post headlined, "The Curious Eyebrows,'' Ibanez left nothing for conjecture. Harold Reynolds, if you can believe it, instantly became the hottest potato whose only sin might have been a strained groin.

That guy is a thief. He has used my urine in his mother's basement.

It demeans everything with one stroke. Nobody is above desire. That should be the message: desire, idiot. A fool who hasn't been properly trained to grasp the Internet will make assumptions like that. It's a shame anyone can be Tony Kornheiser.

Because the Internet is a gateway to a keyboard, an ancient columnist named Rick Telander suggested devious things. Death warmed over.

And Alex Rodriguez, loaded, delivered many names to me through the years.

As writers, broke, we'd probably have no solid colleagues. These are desperate times in the media.

The first thing a professor ever told me was, "Get angry.” A few years back I was framed by the Chicago Bulls, which should tell you how corrupt the place was.

So it bothers me when a writer doesn't game 80 percent now.

Not.

UPDATE: Here are some other blogger takes on Mariotti's piece:
Jerod Morris of Midwest Sports Fans (the one who "started" this particular battle)
Hugging Harold Reynolds (absolutely destroys Mariotti line-by-line)
Can't Stop the Bleeding (tells Mariotti, "check your libel laws, son!")
Awful Announcing (points out Mariotti is a hypocrite... shocker!)
Sportress of Blogitude (concedes that Maritotti is indeed the expert on "bad journalism")

Drunk pet parrot arrested for disorderly conduct

Oh wait never mind, I was thinking of another Raiders fan. (Kidding!! Go Raiders!)



This one is for my girl LaTowna. Raaaaaiders!

Why don't black guys play hockey?

We all know it's true, but whyyyy?



From the always funny Ryan Parker, whose songs I first heard when doing research for an interview with Jay Bruce of the Cincinnati Reds. Turns out Jay had actually heard Ryan's song about him ("Jay Bruce Almighty") and thought it was hilarious.

Michael Jackson mix to cheer you up

Don't be sad about MJ... let's celebrate his life! I've been listening to this mix from KMEL's Scotty Fox on repeat since I got it yesterday afternoon. You can download it here. Thanks Scotty Fox for honoring the greatest entertainer of our time.

Buster Douglas is in the Yard

And dude is going hard. His first Yardbarker blog post was just two days ago and he has since posted five more, including a thoughtful piece about getting Perez Hilton in the ring.



Paging Mike Tyson -- hit me up if you want your own Yardbarker blog so Buster can beat up on you in the comments.

Hey fellas: I'm looking for a pimp

Now before you get your boxer briefs all in a twist over my headline, please go read my girl Chantelle Anderson's latest blog post on Yardbarker: Playin vs. Pimpin. If you can read and understand that, then holler.

Yardbarker's Diana and Alana G make an appearance on 'Kendra'

Tonight's episode of the new E! show "Kendra" (about former Hugh Hefner girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson) guest starred Yardbarker's own Diana and Alana G! Yes, we are that cool.


Actually, this episode featured a celebrity basketball game that took place in Tampa during Super Bowl, so we were there getting some content for Yardbarker. But yeah, we sat down and enjoyed the game for a bit... and we made sure to smile and pose when we saw the cameras on us.

Orlando Magic fans are literally falling out of their seats

Not because of the heartbreaking Game 4 loss to the Lakers in OT. Just because they're drunk and blond. Minus 10 points to the friend for the non-assist.

Raul Ibanez debacle: blame the Philly Inquirer, not blogger Jerod Morris

If you're not caught up on the latest episode of MEDIA WARS, here's the synopsis: Jerod Morris of Midwest Sports Fans wrote a blog post saying he didn't think Raul Ibanez was using steroids, but that it was reasonable if some people speculated about it. John Gonzalez then wrote a column in the Philadelphia Inquirer blasting Jerod for his post. Now it's blown up into a big media sh*t-storm which you can watch on ESPN's 'Outside the Lines' below.

Kudos to Jerod for coming off as the most intelligent and forward-thinking one of the bunch on OTL. I thought it was laughable that John Gonzalez and Ken Rosenthal tried to argue that bloggers should have standards (like the "standards" mainstream media have?). Jerod is actually a great blogger and from reading his work regularly, I believe he does have high standards for what he publishes. However, any bozo with a computer can also publish a blog post. Today's media landscape includes great bloggers, bozo bloggers, great mainstream journalists, and bozo mainstream journalists. Each outlet has to be responsible for its own standards and reputation. And readers have to be aware that bozo foolishness can appear in any media source and judge the reputation of each independently.

In this case, it sounds to me like a lot of media outlets are jumping on the controversy bandwagon while trying to hide behind Jerod as the bad guy who started the whole thing. If Gonzalez thought Jerod's blog post was so irresponsible, then wouldn't that be Gonzalez's bad for boosting its prominence using his newspaper column that has supposed "standards"?

Elie Seckbach: Lil Wayne's new muse

Our friend Elie Seckbach has been making videos about the Lakers for years and he's probably said the words "Kobe Bryant" on YouTube hundreds of times. Now that distinctive voice has been forever memorialized in Lil Wayne's new jock song about #24. If you're familiar with Elie's work, listen carefully at the 0:45 mark and again at the very end.



You can read Elie's account of the whole thing on FanHouse. Hat tip to Steady Burn for the song.